I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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