Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
