Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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