good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
