bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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