She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
