i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
