that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
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