I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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