I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
from now on my penis is your penis
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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