I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
