Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
