I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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