I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
