Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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