About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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