My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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