Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
