I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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