So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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