that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
