why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
