I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
