I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
