the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
