You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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