So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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