just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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