I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
