Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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