i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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