Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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