Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
