I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
