sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
