Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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