you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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