what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
