if only i could text you this smell
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
