I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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