Cold hands, warm shart.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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