Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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