i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
