we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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