I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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