Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
