Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
