wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Randomize
