the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
