yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
