dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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