I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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