Ambien. No doubt about it.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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