2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
