i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
