All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
