how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
