I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I want a musical about memes.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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