im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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