I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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