i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
