Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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