i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize