So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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