I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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