happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
