We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Randomize
