just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Boobs are out for the taking
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
