Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
