I should be sponsored by Trojan
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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