if you like me you must not know who I am
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
