I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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