Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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