1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
