man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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