i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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