its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
