I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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