i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
