I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
